Carnal Beginnings: A dark romantic suspense (Carnal Series Book 1) Read online

  A nautical brass knocker hung front and center on the heavy Palladian door that opened on silent hinges. After punching in the security code, he turned to face her. “Let me show you to your room. I have some spare clothes you can sleep in. Tomorrow I’ll take you shopping.”

  “Um, Julien? Since I haven’t shown up at home, my uncle will call the police and report me missing, probably pointing a finger at you. And what if my stalker comes here?”

  “Don’t worry. Got ya covered. See, like my brothers, most private investigators used to be cops or in a related field. It’s a business where everybody knows everybody. Anyway, they know me, and you’re of legal age. If your family follows you from work, they’ll know you’re here and I’ll deal with them. Don’t let it worry you. As far as your stalker, you’ll be safe with me. We’ll get his identity and deal with him. I’ll see about stepping up security tomorrow.”

  “Do you think the stalker could be the beachside killer?” According to news reports, the victims were all beautiful, rich, and socially active. There was no reason to target a private investigator’s assistant unless he knew of her inheritance. Again, her gaze surfed the perimeter where shadows coalesced and held tight to its secrets. The breeze finger combed her hair, swirling it over her face and further denying the benefit of discerning the night’s mysteries.

  Again he held out his hand and she took it, then let him lead her inside.

  “Highly doubtful, Adara. But you will be safe, regardless. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  * * * *

  Indecisiveness never burdened Julien’s conscious thoughts. Like his brothers, he knew what he wanted when he’d bought his property and built the house. Security, at the time, wasn’t a big concern. He’d revisit the issue and take whatever precautions necessary.

  The fact her family had abused her posed a challenge, baggage to unpack, justice to mete out. It was a challenge worth accepting. More than that, he wanted her free from the inhibitions, fear, confusion, and frustration, read in her gaze and body language. Beautiful, intelligent, kind, she’d be strong after dumping the toxic karma intertwined with her soul.

  She flinched when he closed the door.

  “Are you hungry? You didn’t eat much dinner.” He paused in the foyer, allowing time for her to gain her bearings.

  “No, thank you. Wow. This balustrade is beautiful, so intricate. Did you have it custom made? The complexity of the curves and hollows is so intricate. It belongs here.”

  Tilting his head to the side, he studied her. “Yep. I oversaw the details of construction, at least the ones I didn’t do myself. I’m sorta good with my hands.” He smirked as a blush rose in her cheeks. He’d not intended to bait her, only raise her awareness of their mutual attraction. As they continued up the stairs and through the upper hall, he marveled at her refined and classy demeanor. “This is your room, there’s an attached bath I hope you’ll find comfortable.”

  French doors opened to a balcony with a water view to the end of the world. Massive furniture was reminiscent of an old world setting while coffered ceilings containing hidden lights provided soft lighting. Wrought iron wall sconces cast cozy lighting on either side of a large, stone fireplace, a room fit for a queen.

  Tension seeped into her shoulders and stiffened her posture as she looked around.

  He stood within three feet of her and a bed. Her fears were obvious—and unfounded.

  “Wow. This is beautiful. Are you sure?”

  Her hesitation at accepting something nice tightened his gut. Unlike himself, she came from money, yet shied away from anything other than basic necessities. Everything he’d observed and surmised pointed to a young woman with stunted emotional growth soon after puberty’s arrival.

  “All yours. The bed is a queen size, so it should be long enough. You can try it out and see, if you like.”

  Her blush deepened when she glanced at the bed. Ornate, metal scrollwork set in wood panels covered the headboard and footboard.

  “The scrollwork is beautiful. This is wonderful.” She didn’t test it.

  “My room is right next door if you need anything or want to talk.”

  She froze, her face blanched.

  “Adara, what are you thinking? Right now.” He used his Dom voice.

  “Um, nothing. It’s just a beautiful room.”

  “Adara, I will not force or coerce you to do anything, sexual or otherwise. Understand? You are perfectly safe here.”

  “Oh, I believe you, and I thank you so much for your help.” She didn’t meet his gaze with her emphatic response.

  “Adara, look at me. Now.” Her gaze jumped to his immediately. He didn’t see fear, he saw terror.

  “What were you thinking just then? Remember—total honesty.”

  “Um, I don’t want to make you mad. It’s so stupid, really.”

  “Adara?” His voice carried a hint of frustration.

  “Um. All right. I have to admit I’m just a little bit afraid.”

  “Why, Adara?”

  “Well, it’s just that I’ve never been alone with, and this close to a man and a bed without being forced to do something—bad.”

  Shit, he was several feet away. “I see. Well, this is a good time for some desensitization. How about I stand next to you for five minutes and not touch. Okay?”

  Widened eyes and jaw dropped to an O shape further defined her response. “Uh. O-okay. I can do that.”

  When he closed the distance until her puffy breaths wafted against him, she shrank away.

  “Adara, you are perfectly safe. Do not move. You can learn to feel safe around men, learn not to fear them. In the office, every time I get near you, you either flinch or recoil. At first, I took it personally, but then realized you reacted the same way with all men. You don’t have to feel that way.”

  The pulse in the base of her neck beat to a fierce rhythm while her breathing became rapid and shallow. He’d never seen a woman tremble with so little provocation. In his mind’s eye, he beat the shit out of her uncle and cousin.

  With her arms wrapped tight around her waist, she resembled a little lost waif. He prayed she didn’t get light-headed to the point of losing the ability to stand. A bit of color drained from her cheeks but not to the point of bleached white. The object of the lesson was to take steps forward, not catch her as she dropped.

  “Do you need to sit, Adara?” The rhetorical question used to assess her continued awareness inspired a moment’s guilt, but like the antiserum to treat certain bites, he directed her thoughts to the fringes of her fear to begin a process of desensitization. It was a process he’d had success with in the past. If, in the end, she took her new confidence and left, he’d have a clean conscience.

  The anticipated glance at the bed induced a shock-like syndrome before looking back at him.

  “N-no! No, I’m fine.”

  Seconds felt like hours while Julien mentally castrated her uncle and cousin. He watched her from his peripheral vision, trying to focus on the far wall. Within a few minutes, she appeared to calm, her breathing and pulse slowed. Stiffness drained from her posture as she focused on her surroundings. Again…progress.

  Finally, color returned to her cheeks.

  “Adara, what are you feeling now?”

  A small grin played about her lips.

  When he slowly raised his hand, her gaze jumped to his fingers as he guided both to his face. “Here.”

  It seemed her emotions had run the gambit.

  “Adara?”

  “Please, I don’t want you to be mad.”

  “The only thing and I do mean the only thing that could make me mad is for you to lie to me. Either straight out or by omission. Understand?”

  “Yes, Julien.”

  “Well?”

  “Um, well, at first I was scared. Then…I realized you’re not going to…hurt me. You’re testing me.”

  “Partly right. And now?”

  Her blush deepened and she swallowed hard befo
re moistening her lips with the tip of her pink tongue. Her weight shifted from one foot to the other as her hands clenched on her waist, as if holding back a beast that clawed to get out.

  “Um, now? I’m not sure. I haven’t felt this before. It’s like scared, yet in a different way. I like it. Not like you’re going to hurt me or anything. I remember sitting in your lap, both at the office and in the car. You didn’t hurt me then either. In the office, I was scared to death until you massaged my scalp. In the car, I wasn’t scared of you—just about explaining my circumstances. You’re using a type of behavioral therapy to replace fear with a relaxed response.”

  “And?” He prompted.

  Intelligence and confidence shone from her gaze.

  “Do I have to?”

  “Adara.”

  “Okay.” She groaned. “I feel—I don’t know—excited, I think. Are you mad?”

  He was stunned she felt a positive emotion, much less admitted it. “Mad? Not at all. Feelings are not something to be mad about, they simply exist, though I am glad you’re owning them. This is good.”

  “How can I feel like this? I don’t even know you.”

  “Adara, you’ve known me for six months. We’ve worked together every day, discussed trivial things couples would cover in months of dating.”

  “But, I’m not used to this…” Using her hand to gesture between the two of them, she couldn’t hide the confusion she radiated.

  “You know—I feel the same way.”

  Her eyes widened farther. “You do?”

  He needed to end their interlude and give her time to process. Baby steps. “It doesn’t mean I have to act on those feelings. As I’ve said, I won’t force you to do anything. And I think you’ve learned enough for your first lesson.” He took two steps back and watched her gulp a deep breath, stifling a sad grin with difficulty. Almost twenty-one and her first stirrings of desire…

  “My first lesson? There’s more?”

  “Oh, definitely, if you’re interested. Let’s discuss it downstairs where you’ll be more comfortable.” With that, he turned on his heel, but not before noting her confusion, again. Well, good. Let her absorb and dissect the encounter and see what she thinks. To use their mutual attraction was manipulative. The fact she admitted to it proved a major step in the right direction. There still remained a long way to go. Each journey consisted of individual steps.

  Chapter Nine

  Adara eased from her bedroom and padded down the wide, carpeted hall, her mind unable to grab the buzz-bar of the emotional roller coaster spinning her thoughts into new, unchartered territory. The kinetic energy stored from climbing the lift hill in her first bold step now became potential energy in the puzzling and uncertain future.

  Curiosity and excitement over what might come next pushed her forward. Six months of working with Julien proved him reliable and personifying integrity. She accepted her appraisal of him as fact, but experience had taught her to never give a man the upper hand. Never.

  No creak of the treads exposed her presence. She’d learned to move wraith-like, staying close to the wall. The recessed lights in the great room emitted enough light to discern shapes and outlines but not the important details of his expression. Another test? His dark clothes blended with the deep-tufted leather sofa on which he sat, watching her every move.

  “Have a seat, Adara. You can turn up the lights if you like.”

  Definitely a test. Collision of her past lives created friction, warming her from the inside. On the side of light, she grew up in a loving environment where conversations with her parents entailed anything that came to mind. The dark side with her uncle and cousin consisted of pain and terror that replaced her confidence and hope with indecision and fear. If not for Graham, her soul would have withered until nothing remained but the husk.

  “The lights are fine. I’m used to moving around in the dark.”

  He didn’t comment when she stumbled over nothing more than atmosphere thickened with her tension.

  Her vision adapted to the ambient glow to distinguish his warm smile. Nothing sinister, no hidden agendas. Still, it made her nervous. She perched on the opposite corner of the couch while mentally reviewing everything she knew about Julien. What kind of test is this?

  She’d never considered herself a social butterfly, but the foreboding quiet reminded her of home. During the previous hours, he’d carried most of the conversation. The tone of this generated a different feeling, more serious. She felt like prey, just before the attack. Thoughts of the first trial, with her standing by a bed and Julien inches away without touching her, gave her strength to square her shoulders. Without words, he informed her there were no tricks, no intended horrors inflicted on a whim.

  “I won’t bite. Promise. What can I do to make you less nervous?”

  She longed to smooth the frown from his brow. He just wanted her to relax. Why? “Sorry. It’s not you. It’s just…apart from work, I haven’t had much time to just talk with people in the past few years. Especially not while secluded in someone else’s home. I’m out of practice.”

  “Since your parents died?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Tell me about your parents.”

  Ahh, a subject she could discuss all night. “My dad was a financial consultant. Also, he partnered with a few of his friends in several businesses. Mom was a horticulturist, they both were really great.” Memories poured out in details of trips they took, things they saw, but most important, the security conjured from their presence.

  “On my fifteenth birthday, Dad encouraged me to study Taekwondo…even paid for the first year’s lessons, hoping I’d take to it like I did gymnastics.” Her visceral response suggested her dad’s sixth sense dictated she would have a need for the skillset. “I never understood why.”

  She hadn’t realized how much she’d relaxed until she saw herself using hand gestures to punctuate certain points. “When they died, so did my athletic dreams…Everything went to hell. I wished I’d started martial arts as a toddler.” Flashbacks of her first attempt of defending herself against her cousin created a full-body shudder.

  “Well, let’s look at it this way. You’re now out of your uncle and cousin’s reach. You can do what you choose.”

  “They’re not gonna just let go, I’m sure. Both of them are mean as snakes.”

  “Let me worry about that. You concentrate on your future. I’ll deal with them and help you with some personal issues.”

  “You mean toughening my outer shell. What’s your plan?”

  “First off, we’ll let them know you’re not going back to their house and are now under my protection. That will leave you free to consider a new path. As far as dealing with your issues,, we could do some more desensitization exercises.”

  “Are you sure? About me staying here?” Sanctuary sounded great. The other part instilled anxiety.

  “Yep, no problem. Glad to help.”

  “And you don’t want anything in return?” Nobody ever did something nice without wanting return favors—except—wasn’t Graham a friend who’d never made demands? In addition, she remembered the way her parents got along, even when they didn’t agree, it never became physical. They both believed in helping others. Before their deaths she’d dreamed of having a relationship like theirs. After her uncle had taken her in, he destroyed them all.

  “Adara, I just want to see you safe and happy.”

  “I haven’t been happy for a very long time.”

  “People living in constant fear aren’t free to let go and experience much of anything else.” Julien straightened his legs and crossed them at the ankles. When he rested his arm on the back of the sofa, he embodied the relaxed dominant male. Always in command, always aware of his surroundings, and never losing his temper.

  Yeah, she’d read about dominance and submission when Jackie bragged about going to a BDSM club. Jackie’s a crazy bitch.

  Floodwaters from the opened gates of her memories, both good and ba
d, submersed her in a world where anything could, and did, happen. Looking around, she wondered if the tide of life, having set her adrift not long ago, now swung like a pendulum to smoother waters where she could once again dream—and breathe. Her uncle and cousin had ruined her positive outlook. Perhaps Julien could help resurrect it.

  “Tell me this.” His nonchalance seemed an easy part of him, “what would you like to be doing in say a year, or five years from now? What interests do you have?”

  “I didn’t think I’d ever be free of Tony and Gary, so I’ve never given it much thought beyond escape. Now, I’d like to have control over my life and not have anything to do with them. I don’t want to see them, talk to them, or even know anything about them. I’d also like to start self-defense training again.”

  “Well, that’s certainly doable. First, we’ll make an appointment with a lawyer to make everything official and have a paper trail. Then start your training.”

  “They don’t let me have any money. I don’t know any lawyers and would be afraid that since I’m not twenty-one yet, they’d contact Tony as my guardian…”

  “Adara. You’re over eighteen, you have independent rights. Tell you what. Do you trust me?”

  “Yes.” She didn’t have to think about it.

  “Okay. We’ll go see my attorney—no, don’t worry about money. We’ll have him send Tony and Gary formal letters stating you’ll have no further contact. If we need a restraining order, that won’t be a problem, either. Also, to make a long story short, a lawyer can tie your inheritance up so that no one, and I do mean no one except you, can touch it—even if you were to marry. All right?”

  “You’d do that? Why?”

  “Because it’s what you need. It’s what I do. I help people, remember?”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Well, just say yes. Then talk to me. What other interests or hobbies do you have besides becoming a ninja?”