Carnal Beginnings: A dark romantic suspense (Carnal Series Book 1) Read online

  “I know you mentioned it, but is that possible? Besides, they’ll just think they can kill me and inherit that way.”

  “Not if they know you have a will—one that’s specific in excluding them. We’ll see an attorney in the morning who will take care of the legal end. The other aspect, physically, I know you couldn’t fight them, yet. But we could make it crystal clear that you’re under my protection.”

  “You’d do that for me? Long-term?”

  “Sure. I could help you in other areas, too…like how to relax around men.”

  “You have a lot of experience with women. I’ve um, never been with a man before—of my own free will. I don’t know if I could go that far. It’s one thing to kiss one, but the rest of it? No thanks.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, did you just throw down a gauntlet? Really? Bet I can change your mind.”

  “Please. You gave me your word.”

  “I did, and I won’t break it. I won’t force or coerce you into a sexual relationship, but if you beg me? I don’t think I could deny you something we both want…eventually”

  A deep breath cooled his ardor. “Tell you what. You look tighter than a…” He grinned and shook his head but didn’t finish the sentence.

  When he slid several feet away, she took a slow, deep breath, twisting the virtual knife in his gut. He motioned for her to rest her feet in his lap. “Why don’t you let me rub the tension out of your feet?”

  With a dubious look, she gave him first one leg, then the other, placing them on his thigh. He slipped off her knee-high stockings and started massaging the soles of her feet. Every muscle in her foot and lower leg was locked tight.

  “Wow, that feels wonderful. Nobody’s ever done this before.” She closed her eyes, her head falling forward on a long sigh. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because it’s what you need. I’d like to take care of you, Adara. Take care of all your needs.” He continued to massage her foot, then the ankle, before taking the other leg. “Go ahead, relax. You’re safe. Let your head fall back and just drift.”

  “God, this is just too good to be true. Yet you haven’t said why you’re helping.”

  “First, it’s not too good to be true. Not at all. It just happens to be helpful to you now. I want you to understand something though, sweetheart.” He stilled until she raised her head to meet his gaze.

  “What’s that?” Her lips rounded as her brows drew together.

  “As you can see, I enjoy a comfortable lifestyle. Though I certainly like my creature comforts and believe in working hard, I’m not a slave to the dollar and I’m not looking to expand my business interests.” He needed her to understand his motivation in courting her, from the start.

  “I can see that. Everybody in the office knows you and your brothers have done very well.”

  “Good.” He resumed kneading the tension from her tight calves. Once again, her head dropped back to the sofa and her eyes closed on a moan. He liked the sounds and hoped to hear more of them, as a response to different stimuli. “As for why I’m helping you. I think you’re a beautiful, bright, compassionate, and very responsive young woman. Not to mention, a submissive. I want to get to know you better. How do you feel now?”

  “Relaxed. Good. Actually, very good.”

  He’d felt the tension drain out of her calves even as her shoulders relaxed.

  “So, you’ve let me massage your feet and legs, and you trust me enough to close your eyes in my presence. That’s good, Adara, very good. How about spinning around and letting me work on your head and shoulders, nothing else.”

  “What? Um…you sure?”

  She frowned when he shifted her feet to the floor. It would be another milestone in their relationship if she could turn her back to him in their current situation.

  “It’s okay, hon, just spin around and scoot toward me.” As she did, he put his left leg along the sofa back so that she could nestle between his thighs. She froze when his foot slid alongside her.

  “It’s all right, Adara. This just makes it easier on me. Slide back just a little. You don’t have to rest against my chest if that makes you uncomfortable. It would just make it easier to reach your shoulders.”

  Wide, uncertain eyes gauged his intentions and the distance between them before turning around. Gently he reached out and massaged her shoulders and neck, tight as spandex on a bicycler.

  “Let’s talk about hard limits, Adara. It’ll make you more comfortable if you know what to expect.”

  “Hard limits?”

  “Yeah. No-go areas. Places you won’t allow me to touch. Obviously, feet, shoulders, head, and neck won’t be on that list.”

  “I don’t understand. Why?”

  “Consider it desensitization. We’ll start where you’re comfortable and go from there.”

  “A little scary, but I’m game to try. Maybe for now, let’s leave things status quo.” She groaned as his long fingers worked on the deep knots in her shoulders. When he edged his way down her back, she became putty in his hands until arching away on a gasp.

  “Hmm, sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t realize…you must have a bruise there. Let me take a quick look, okay?”

  “It’s getting better.” Slumped shoulders and ducked head defined her embarrassment.

  With a gentle touch, he lifted the edge of her shirt and scrutinized her back. Anger churned in his gut and he ground his teeth until his jaw hurt on seeing the many white lines marring otherwise perfect skin. He’d left the lighting dim to help her relax, but now it hindered his exam. A large purple bruise covered her lower ribs. His stomach roiled to think of her bound and beaten. No one could tolerate that and remain still, which prompted a mental note to look at her wrists later.

  “Yeah, it’s a fairly large bruise over your ribs. I should take you to the doctor for an x-ray.”

  “Oh, no. Please. It’s fine. It’ll go away in a few days. Really. They always do.”

  His fists clenched reflexively. They always do? An attempt to expel unwanted images slithering through his mind brought bile to scorch his throat.

  “All right, we’ll keep an eye on it.” He let his fingers gently pad over the area before placing his hands on her chest wall, front and back to apply slight pressure. He couldn’t detect a rib fracture and she didn’t recoil. As much as he wanted to let his fingers drift over her beautiful skin, he wouldn’t violate her confidence in him. When he lowered her shirt again, she exhaled slowly.

  “All right, how do you feel about your arms? Can we add them to the list of areas I can massage? You’re so tense. You’d probably feel better if I can work on them a bit.”

  “Sounds wonderful. Who thought desensitization could feel so good.”

  With soft pressure, he rotated her head side to side and slid his fingers up over her scalp then down her neck to root out the knots on either side.

  Her low moan reverberated in his mind.

  “You can lean back against me if you like, so I can reach your arms better.” Gently, he helped her scoot back to lean against him. When her back made contact with his chest, her body clenched tight.

  “Shhh, Adara. You’re safe. Nothing’s going to happen except a massage…our clothes will stay on. You can relax and enjoy a rubdown.” Julien crooned softly as she settled against him. She wouldn’t understand his Gaelic phrases, but they helped distract him from the warmth of her lush body. The words came unbidden, spilled forth from times long forgotten, a time when his mom was alive.

  Thirty minutes later, Adara’s boneless frame rested against him.

  When he traced light circular motions over her temples, she took a deep breath and sighed. Goose bumps followed the path of his fingertips. Piloerection, the technical term for goose bumps, skittered over his mind. Yeah, that’s why I thought of it. I’m a technical kind of guy.

  As his hands traced down her arms, the little arch to her back and her deep inhalation conveyed her heightened emotions. He understood the body language of arousal overcom
ing anxiety. In his mind’s eye, he noted hardened nipples, dilated pupils, and a blush stealing over her body. He wanted nothing more than to roll the tight buds between his fingers, to cup the weight of her perfect breasts in his palm and explore the sinfully soft flesh. The scent of her lotion eluded him, yet equaled the serenity pervading the room.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking now, sweetheart.”

  “Just that this feels so good. I’ve never been this close to a man before without…”

  “Without what?” The muscles in her back tightened against his chest.

  “Umm, do I have to?”

  “You need to.” Using his Dom voice was manipulative but didn’t break his promise.

  “I’ve never been in this position before. Ever.”

  “And?”

  “And…I like it. A lot. Have you done this before? With other women?”

  “No, actually, I haven’t. I’ve kept my home as my private space.”

  “What’s different?”

  “You. You’re different. Everything about you calls to me on an elemental level.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Give it time, sweetheart. Give it time.” Minutes stretched out as he decided how to best extract the information he needed. “Tell me a little about your family,” he suggested.

  Her body clenched again. She tried to sit up, but he held her gently by the shoulders and settled her back again.

  “Easy, hon. I’m not gonna hurt you. Just relax.” It took a few heartbeats for her to respond.

  “My uncle Tony and cousin Gary are innately evil.”

  Again, he invaded her emotional fortress while using distraction to help. “The marks on your back, which one did that?” It was important for him to discern who’d receive which form of justice.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Uncle Tony.” Adara shuddered as a particularly brutal memory invaded her mind.

  “More on your chest and legs?”

  Her whole body trembled as an invisible whip lashed her skin. “Yes.” Her voice quavered.

  “You’ve never had anyone stand up for you. Things will be different now.”

  “I’m scared.”

  “I know. But you’re no longer alone. You’re getting a new lease on life. You can do anything you want and go anywhere you want.”

  If she moved to a different country, Tony would never find her, but the thought left a bad taste in her mouth.

  “Did they both rape you as well?” His gravelly voice sounded hoarse, choked.

  Closing her eyes didn’t help as a tear seeped out and made its path down her cheek, caught by the pad of his thumb. Soon, more followed.

  “Adara, they’re not going to hurt you again. Understand?”

  “The scars are ugly.”

  “They’re just skin deep. That’s not what I see when I look at you. I see a beautiful, bright, compassionate woman who I want to get to know better.”

  The silence stretched between them, an ever-expanding gulf, as she tried to contain her emotions.

  “Did they both rape you, Adara?”

  She turned her face into his chest with a sob. “Yes, they…made it a game.” Her tears tracked down his chest as he held her tighter.

  “Jesus. You’re gonna heal. We’re gonna get through this. Together.” He held her while she cried, intermittent hiccups breaking the silence.

  It’d never occurred to her that she would describe the basics of her abuse. Yet as the night wore on, he extracted and shed light on her darkest horrors, helped her examine them for what they were, memories that would hold no power except that which she gave.

  He listened quietly, never judging, offering comfort and support as she gave substance and voice to her recollections that tumbled one after another from the darkest reaches of her mind. It was their game to outdo one another. All the while, they reaffirmed—they would always own her.

  “I always feel so dirty, I get up in the middle of the night to take a shower, but it doesn’t help.”

  He pressed a handkerchief in her hand. “Hon, people like that thrive on others’ fear. It’s how they control you. They’re the filthy ones. Not you. You didn’t ask for it and couldn’t prevent it. See them for what they are and you can start to feel how I see you.”

  She thought about what he’d said. “I remember when my parents were alive, life was so much different. I had a boyfriend. We hadn’t done anything but kiss—but I remember the feeling. Then my folks died and everything changed. I lost all my friends except Graham.” She frowned as the oily darkness of her abuse crept in from the periphery of her mind to stain her reality.

  “Wow, that must’ve been a tense thought, Adara. Let’s have it.” Again, he pulled her away from the darkness.

  “Well, I knew if I’d gone home the other night, they would have raped me again. That’s why I wouldn’t go. If I’m going to have sex, I’ll decide with who, and when. And I’m not going to be scared.”

  He gave her a gentle hug. “Damn straight. That’s my girl.”

  Her gaze briefly flicked to his, the corners of her mouth turning up with the warmth in his eyes. My girl? “Before my parents died, I used to dream someday I’d love a man, and he’d protect me, take care of me, and encourage me to follow my dreams. When they died, I figured I had indulged in a warm and wonderful fantasy. Tony and Gary taught me the darkest truths about men. Their reality exerted itself and brought me into their world…one filled with nothing but evil.”

  “Adara, it’s not a fantasy for people to live their dreams. It takes effort, but it’s well worth it. Consider yourself free to find new hope, a new life.”

  She leaned her head into his fingers as he stroked her cheek. It seemed he now knew every aspect of her life, as well as her mind.

  Eventually, when her tears dried up, she remained calmer as he continued to pull horrific memories from her past. Her voice, initially filled with hurt and anger, transformed into a soul-searching self-examination.

  Understanding came in slow degrees—she wasn’t to blame and at the time couldn’t control events surrounding her life. Realization gave way to astonishment, and then morphed again into anger. “Will my emotions always vacillate like this?” She may never get revenge, but she could gain the upper hand by cutting them off financially. She’d never been vindictive or vengeful.

  “In time, they won’t rent space in your thoughts. Your feelings will stabilize. I know you don’t want to hear or know anything else about them, but until you’ve processed everything that’s happened, memories will haunt you. I have a friend who can help you deal with that. A psychologist.”

  “Again, Julien, thank you.”

  “Rest now, Adara. I just want to hold you for a while if that’s all right. But remember, you always have a choice.”

  “Okay.”

  Her breathing slowed and evened out, a languid heaviness beckoning her eyelids down as she imagined a life busy growing prized roses and baking fancy wedding cakes.

  When he said her name and gently squeezed her shoulder, realization of her circumstances shocked her. “Oh. I fell asleep. I can’t believe I went to sleep in a man’s arms.”

  “No. Adara. Not any man. Mine. Understand? Mine.” When he spoke with such a deep voice, a thrill reverberated through her soul, as if his essence declared her entire being his for all time.

  “Yes, yours.”

  “Time for bed now, sweetheart.”

  She shot straight up and turned to assess his meaning.

  “Your bed for you. My bed for me. Okay?” His half grin depicted understanding her interpretation. His expression remained empathetic with his meaning now clear.

  “Um, yes. Thank you for letting me sleep. What time is it?”

  “A little after midnight. I’ll get you one of my T-shirts to sleep in. Okay?” Somehow, sleepwear had missed the agenda when they’d gone shopping.

  * * * *

  Julien startled as Nika’s sudden eruption into alarm mode accompanie
d the deep timbre of canine rage with snarls and barking filling the room. Hackles stood along the length of her back, the whites of her eyes in stark relief against black and golden fur as she raged toward the beach. Her nails screeched against the glass wall in a frantic quest to attack.

  At the edge of the yard, where darkness overpowered the stretch of his floodlight, a small swath of light probed forward through the inky blackness before falling pitch-black.

  Someone shut off a flashlight.

  “Adara, it seems we have uninvited company.” Julien helped her stand before guiding her toward the stairway. “Go upstairs, hon, to your bedroom. Nika will go with you. Now.” After Julien’s protect command, the canine bodyguard turned and followed her up the stairs. “I’m gonna welcome our guest.” Without waiting for a response, he grabbed his Glock and a flashlight from the kitchen cabinet en route to the garage.

  A quick abbreviated text to Conner reported the situation, then a few clicks armed the security panel before he slipped outside through the garage’s personnel door. No doubt, the intrusion centered around Adara. Whether it was her family or the weasel, Julien intended to put a stop to it.

  A blanket of clouds barricaded the moonbeams that might’ve helped while grass gave way to sand on his path to the sea. He doubted anyone would stick around if they had knowledge of Crofton dogs.

  Visions of Adara, tied and abused, set up shop in the farthest caverns of his mind while tendrils of anger slithered out to tangle with logic and sanity. Whoever the night’s potential shooting victim turned out to be, Julien realized he couldn’t kill him on the spot. Adara deserved to see justice work on her behalf. She’d need it to regain equilibrium.

  Sand dunes between him and the water’s edge were tall enough to hide a prowler, the perfect spot to lie in wait for an ambush. Nevertheless, his flashlight’s beam cut side to side in search of the uninvited guest.

  Malformed depressions in loose sand gave way to firm packed prints leading into the surf and disappearing under the harsh hands of increasing waves.